In 2013, Darcy Gaechter became the first woman (and vegan) to kayak the Amazon River from source to sea. With blistering lips and irradiated fingernails, her team of three paddlers tackled Class V whitewater for twenty-five days in a row; just barely survived a dynamite laden canyon being prepared for a hydroelectric dam, and pled for mercy at the hands of the murderous Ashaninka people who remained somewhat convinced we had come to steal their children's organs. In a desperate act meant to give me some pretense of control, Darcy cut off all of her hair just before they entered Peru’s notoriously violent “Red Zone.” The hope was to pass for a boy and be seen as less of a target. Despite all odds, they reached the Atlantic Ocean 4,300 miles and 148 days of kayaking later. Upon reaching the Atlantic, the three, an esoteric computer programmer from London, a vegan girl from Aspen, CO and her begrudging boyfriend who would become the first man to kayak the Amazon, “because his girlfri…
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